I hate the way you collaborate and gang up on me
When i’m using wordpress, Garret from CoSchedule pops up for a chat using Intercom. He know’s my name. ‘How’s it going Alex?’. Talk about customer communication on steroids and great customer experience. I’m sure Garret asked me how I liked my coffee? I like to think so. Beware the integrated, super helpful, omniprescent SaaS Gangs creating super groups. Yeezus!
I hate the way you’re often free
Sometimes you just give yourself away too easily. Free trial this. Freemium that. Don’t you think I have money? I want to pay for some of you. Not just when I hit a threshold of 10,000 emails. Are free trials working anyway?
I hate the way you’re all about community
Everyone is sharing everything in this SaaS Community. Helping each other out. Getting more knowledgeable. Competitors speaking at each others events. Wanting everyone to succeed. Here’s my failings so you don’t make the same mistake. Just makes me sick. See: growthhackers.com, inbound.org, Pulse Conference etc
I hate that i’m addicted to you
You have Mobile Apps that keep sending me push notifications (outlook web app), and then these dashboard apps (Mailchimp, Google Analytics) that I check throughout the evening. Getting in between me and my girlfriend watching HBO’s new series The Affair. ‘You’re always on your phone’ she says. ‘I’m working here!’ is my boilerplate answer. You are my affair, SaaS. I’m checking open rates on Mailchimp newsletter and new email list subscribers. I’m checking Google analytics, how many active visitors. Page views. Sessions. More Stats please. Mike’s just uploaded a new article on Quip. I have to read it. Is there a rehab for SaaS addicts?
I hate the way you’re easy
I wish you were more difficult to use, like the old days. You know, when we had to get someone from IT to run a tutorial or provide a step by step guide on how to install and use? Now you’re just so easy. My Granny could use you. Where’s the challenge? You’re too simple SaaS.
I hate it when I lose count of how many SaaS i’m using
There’s a SaaS for everything and then even a SaaS for the SaaS (analytics tools for Mixpanel is a beaut #META). See this article from Clement Vouillon of Point Nine Capital talking about SaaS Explosions (well he called it the evolution of SaaS). We could Overdose from too much SaaS.
I hate it when you make me laugh
*women in SaaS do not have beards. This was a reference to Hipsters.
I hate it when you’re not around
When i’m on a plane with no wi-fi, sometimes you’re not there. It’s quiet. I get lonely. I cry. Where did you go?
I hate it that I just can’t quit you
Do I really need a SaaS for everything? I must have 30 SaaS at least. Right now open in my browsers, I’m using Slack, Quip, WordPress, Office365, Google Analytics, Trello, Buffer, Mailchimp, CoSchedule, Sniply, Xero. Im hoarding you SaaS. I want to quit some of you, but I just can’t.
I hate the way I don’t hate you
I really don’t hate you SaaS. I bloody love you. You’ve empowered me to use super awesome software that power large enterprises like Airbnb or Uber and SaaScribe is much smaller than both. Really! You’re adding so much value to me and millions more, and you’re just getting going. I think after sliced bread, then the internet, you are the best invention*
*I should probably say that, as I don’t want to write a publication about sliced bread, although statistically speaking there are more ‘users’ of sliced bread than SaaS right now, but we can change that.
by Alex Theuma @alextheuma